I wish I knew...

I wish I knew... I wish somebody warned me beforehand... I wish I did not have to make mistakes... I wish I knew everything before it hit me. I wish I did not have to hit the wall... I wish I was selfish. I wish I kept you to myself... I wish you were my deep dark secret... I wish...

Rainy days, but not quite yet..

The change of weather is unbelievable. During daytime, the heat is unbearable. The sky is clear and blue. But at night, it rains like cats and dogs. (fyi: I got the drenched the other night) You know the summer season is supposedly over. The rain has come. But not quite yet. It's like the weather doesn't know what it wants. It's in the middle of something. It sometimes looks like it but then it's not. Am i making sense? at all? well i just feel like the weather. I know what i'm supposed to do, where i'm supposed to be. I know i am almost there in that place called happiness, but not quite yet. I haven't faced my darkest fears. I try to avoid it. I try to refuse it. But it just keeps on coming back..and when it does i can't help myself.

I'm only dreaming...

Just finished reading my posts since January. It has been different since then. My sadness and denial stage gone overboard...new hope and hapiness spring forth. I have cried enough. It's time to stop dreaming of what could have been and start dreaming of meeting someone new "in the near future". This summer has been everything but boring. It showed me a glimpse of hapiness awaiting me if I just hold on to my belief that God will never abandon me. If I offer my broken spirit and tired heart..I know I could make it through. I met so many people this year. More than the usual I am used to. And I found it refreshing. I saw meaning instead of doubt. I felt comfort instead of fear and intimidation. My parents realized that I have matured into someone whom I'm sure I want to be. I am a clean slate. no secrets. I am free.

The Day You Said Goodnight...literally

The Day You Said Goodnight
[ Hale ]
Take me as you are,
Push me off the road
the sadness,
I need this time to be with you
I’m freezing in the sun;
I’m burning in the rain
The silence;
I’m screaming,
Calling out your name.

And i do reside in your light
Put out the fire with me and find
Yeah you’ll lose the side of your circles
That’s what i’ll do if we say goodbye.

To be is all i gotta be
And all that i see
And all that i need this time
To me the life you gave me
The day you said goodnight.

The calmness in your face
That i see through the night
The warmth of your light is pressing unto us
You didn’t ask me why
I never would have known oblivion is falling down.
And i do reside in your hear
Put out the fire with me and find
Yeah you’ll lose the side of your circles
That’s what i’ll do if we say goodbye.

To be is all i gotta be
And all that i see
And all that i need this time
To me the life you gave me
The day you said goodnight.

If you could only know me like your prayers at night
Then everything between you and me will be all
Right.
To be is all i gotta be
And all that i see
And all that i need this time
To me the life you gave me
The day you said goodnight.

She’s already taken,
She’s already taken
She’s already taken me
She’s already taken,
She’s already taken
She’s already taken me.
The day you said goodnight

Nothing to say

I love the busy life...I love my life...even though it's not easy to love it sometimes...

Hiya..it's been awhile.

Well what can i say? im home alone again.......... i got sick last friday and im still recovering from that awful indigestion of eating to much sashimi/ raw tuna...argh...i bow never to overeat again EVER. cause it's so awful..plus im having fever on and off.. i could be extremely hot one minute then...well...normal..haha...i must have done something that i shouldnt have done while i was sick...i do remember it..but i wish i didnt...im not making sense, am i? err..umm...gottogo ;p